Well if she does it, I guess I have to?

Now, I don't know if this is going to connect with anyone else on a personal level, but I've decided to share it because it's something that has been coming up for me. This post is not aimed at having a go at anyone, or to judge people for how they lead their lives, it is my own personal view on how I want MY life to go.

Let's talk children

Being a woman, it is assumed that I should want kids 100%, because what else could a woman possibly want. Growing up, I was surrounded by children because I had a lot of siblings, cousins, and now, nieces and nephews. Kids have always been a part of my life, and I always dreamt of having my own someday. As a child myself, I never thought beyond wanting a family, as in, I never worried about what that would mean. There are sacrifices that come with having children, that no woman ever truly talks about and that is where I am at today.

Should I or Shouldn't I?

I have been with my current partner for 4 years now, and I get asked most, when we will be having kids. For both of us, we were adamant that children weren't going to be a part of our future as a couple. A belief that came after two crappy relationships in our pasts, leaving both of us closed off, and detached from that future. It's only been in the past 6 months that we actually talked about whether it was a firm NO, or whether we need to just go for it.

This is where a lot of my concerns, fears, and slight levels of anxiety come in.

Change happens more to others

As a woman, I have to change a whole lot more than any male, in order to have my own child. My body has to change, my hormones, my lifestyle, and more. Let's face it, nothing truly changes for a man in those first 9 months, it's all on the woman to do.

That's my first fear, the changes to my body that I cannot control, and I cannot predict. My second fear, is losing my identity, and only feeling like a MUM from now, until death. My other fear is lack of money! This is why I have these fears.

I am not judging other Mums here

As previously mentioned, I am NOT here to have a go at other Mums, and the life they have built with their families. Yet it is the women around me that fuel the fears I have. Growing up, I was surrounded by women who had kids, and the spent their life; shouting, running around after the kids, cleaning, cooking, complaining about their bodies, wanting peace and quiet, and more! Now I am older, I STILL see these behaviours in women, but now I also see the expectations from other areas of life:

I see judgement on women who choose not to have kids, judgement on women who go back to work, judgement on women who don't go back to work, judgement on parenting styles, judgement on their kids behaviour, bottle vs breastfed, how helpful their partner is.

It's an insane thing, and I take my hat off to any women who go into it with blind faith.

I don't see any woman, who I know personally, who has the life I'd want to lead should I have children. Most of them are overworked, exhausted, juggling too much, and lacking independence.

BUT whoever said, that I have to do what everyone around me is doing?

How I plan to change this perspective

On a recent call with my 1:1 coach, we had a discussion around this topic, and my stresses and fears. I told her that I wanted a child with my partner, but I didn't want the life of the women around me. However I believed that I couldn't have one without the other. She asked me if I had seen any other women leading a life with kids, that I DID want, and I said yes, but only on social media. My coach asked me why I believed so strongly that I would have to become the same as everyone around me, and why I couldn't write my own story?

This is why I am writing this blog post today, because I know I am not alone in feeling like this. Torn between wanting something, but not wanting the results of other people with that same thing. Society doesn't get to dictate how I am as a Mum, and as a woman. I have always been different to most people in my life, so why shouldn't this be like that. As a Mum, I still want to put my health & wellbeing first, I want to have my own life, outside my kids, and to also be focusing on creating more abundance. I want to love and adore my child, spend time laughing and creating with them, all whilst still being a fun, and sexy girlfriend to my partner. I also want that for him! Even though I may have a child, I don't want it to be the ONLY defining moment in my life.

I have to consciously choose how my life will go with children, whilst expecting challenges and hiccups along the way. I hope that if you have read this post, and felt a similar way before, that you can start to believe that your story can be different too. You can choose to create a life by your own design and not that of the people around you.

Here's an affirmation for you to say, if this feeling comes up in any area of your life:

"I get to choose what defines me, and my life."

Now,

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