I don't want a drink!

I waited until 17:00 to type up this blog because I wanted to let some of the emotions 'simmer' down or pass before sharing how I felt. Not because I am ashamed of how I was feeling or that I don't feel like it was worth sharing but, because I knew in that moment, emotion was ruling over logic. In those moments I can feel so overwhelmed by the emotions on the surface that the whole situation feels heightened or worse than it actually is.

It all started this morning when I woke up and had no real plans for the day, when I looked at my phone to check in with family and to see if they were making plans, I came across a story on Instagram which showed all the 'girlfriends' on a evening out together and one of the 'newly' introduced ones was with them. Now, when I say girlfriends, I mean the women who are dating, engaged or married to my boyfriend's friends. They are all lovely, and yet I have never really bonded with them. Part of the reason being that they aren't mates I am choosing but those kind of 'forced' friendships because you're boyfriends are friends and they love to do couples events. Another reason being that many of the girls have been friends since school and the unintentional thing happens where conversation flick back to events from when they were younger and growing up and I can't join in because I wasn't there. Final reason I would say is that, all of them love to drink and get drunk, they dream of a life of marriage and kids and living and dying in this city we were born in. I couldn't be more different if I tried! I went travelling back in 2016 and it totally changed me as a person. I went from being close minded and judgemental to an open minded, interactive woman who enjoyed being around people from all different backgrounds. I even dated someone who was French-Canadian but I'll leave that for story for another blog haha.

I have nothing in common with these girls and so I am not included nor am I bothered about not being included. Yet there can be times where a part of me doubts who I am and sees this divide as a negative against me and my personality. Maybe I am the boring one who is no fun to be around, why would they want me there when I don't want to do what they do. In these past few years, particularly when I was off travelling, I disconnected / let go of a lot of friendships because my life was going in a completely different direction to every one back home. I was off seeing the world, spending my savings and living the life most people back home say they wish they could do (but never will!) and they were all back here, getting married, mortgages and having kids.

Now, I am not saying that wanting a life of marriage and kids or wanting to get drunk and live in your home town is a bad thing. If it's what you truly love and want from life then go full speed towards it. Personally, it's not for me and my future. However, I now find myself spending the majority of my free time alone because I have friends but most of them left my home town where I currently reside and the ones still here don't have fun in the same way I do so I never feel included.

I feel invisible and I feel lonely!

I love the woman I have become in these past few years through personal development and mindset work but, I have reached that point that I hear so many people talking about. The LONELY part! The part where you find yourself no longer feeling like you belong and still seeking out the place in which you thrive. It's pretty damn hard to be here and this morning I had a cry about it. The loneliness was overwhelming me and the energy needed to leave my body in the one way it knows how, tears. I always have a partner who is very social and still has all the friends from younger because like most people, he hasn't been far from home ever! So I have the constant reminder that people WANT to spend time with him and he GETS to go out and have fun in a way that works for him. In my lower energy, I can really resent him for what he has and sometimes I can feel myself get angry or mad towards him because of it.

Leading back to why I waited until now to write this week's post. Had I of wrote it this morning, I would have talked about wanting to move away, pull back from my boyfriend or start 'conforming' to a version of me that would fit into the circles around me. Thankfully, I got to spend the day with some family, in the sun, moving my body and reflecting on how I was feeling. All the work I have done for myself tells me that I do NOT want to conform or simply 'fit in' with groups because that would lead to me falling back into a person I never want to be again. It would lead to temporary happiness and then sadness as I do things that do not truly make me feel happy. I know what I enjoy, I know the

kind of friends I want and I know I have the power to change my situation to become what I desire.

If you're not into spirituality, I would leave off here ;)

If I truly want to find friendships that light me up, I have to start attracting that level of vibration into my life. I have to tell the Universe what I want and start acting as if I already have it. So here are some simple steps I am going to take:

1. Write a letter to the Universe describing (in detail) the kind of people I want to attract into my life. I will talk about how I will feel when they are here, the fun things we will do, how often, and how it will empower my life

2. I am going to find an EFT tapping (Emotional Freedom Tapping) video on YouTube for 'attracting people into my life' and I will watch it everyday, speaking along with them. If I can find one I like, I guess I will have to create one for myself.

3. I am going to write a gratitude for the people who will be coming into my life before they are here. This will allow me to sit on a vibrational level to let the Universe guide them into my life.

4. I will switch up the way I speak about friendships. No more 'I don't have any friends, no one wants to hang out with me, I'm a loner, I don't fit in' talk. More of 'I am attracting people into my life who will love being around me, people love to be in my energy, I love to spend time with friends who lift me up, I have all the friends I need right now and more will come when they are ready'

If you have never tried EFT tapping, I would highly recommend checking it out for yourself. It may just be what you are missing. Same goes for the Law of Attraction! Every thought we have and every word that comes from our mouth has an impact on our world. If we constantly fixate

and moan about all the things we don't have, we simply attract more of it into our lives. Every time I have complained about having 'no friends' I have created more situations to 'confirm' this limiting belief in my life. So I am declaring here and now that I will begin following the 4 steps listed above and I will keep you updated on how my life grows and develops.

Now,

Turnanewpaige x